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Hello! I am excited to be here! I didn’t think I’d ever do anything like this. I never considered writing as a hobby or career. In school, I was fairly good at writing. In English class when we were given an assignment, I would hangout and wait until the very last day to do the assignment then the last day we were given to work on it before it was due I would quickly go into work mode and whip out the 3 page essay or whatever it was that we had to do. It was a little bit stressful but once I got my thesis statement down and a little bit of knowledge of what I was actually writing about (lol) , I was able to get into a nice flow and finish it quickly. It shocked me when they handed back the graded assignment every time because there it was, an A+. Perhaps the bar is low for a good essay in public schools or perhaps I was just a natural writer as my dad told me I am.

I am 21 years old, turning 22 in 32 days. My brain is constantly coming up with new information, ideas, worries, hopes, dreams, daily tasks, and digging up my memories that ache. My mental load is a lot for me day to day. I struggle with depression, ADHD, and anxiety. I’m not sure how those coexist or the complex way in which they tend to each come and go randomly. I do know that they affect me greatly. I am aware of the many ways to cope and heal. Getting the words out is one of them. I love pouring out my thoughts and feelings until I feel better but I often don’t know who to tell them to. I feel like sharing all the things that I have in my head just comes out in chaos and in a way that isn’t linear and doesn’t make sense. I also feel bad trauma dumping on someone especially knowing that the person I am talking to also has many struggles and I don’t want to add to their load. I tend to pour out my worries if they’re intense enough to really upset me endlessly to anyone who is willing to hear a snippet because they need to come out and I do really enjoy feedback. Especially feedback that makes me feel better. Sometimes feedback that is tough and disappointing makes me feel worse and ruminate more intensely on the matter but also sometimes it makes me feel better knowing the truth of things. Sometimes I feel like I’m reaching out desperately and no one is there to really grab on and hold on. I feel like people grab on then let go when it’s convenient for them. I also need to feel safe enough emotionally with a person to share my feelings and sometimes that is a rare occurrence.

All of that to say, I want to feel joy and I want to enjoy my life more consistently. The rollercoaster that is my mind and emotions are exhausting and I want to find a way to be more consistently at peace and at ease.

I am a nail technician. I have been working in the beauty industry for about three years but I have been practicing since I was 17 years old. I love my job, it works well for me. I get to do art every day and hangout with my clients who I consider my friends as well and get paid. It’s awesome! I also run my own business. Sometimes it is a lot of work and I definitely find myself going through waves of burnout. I love that I get to make my own schedule and do whatever I want, it works well for my independent and defiant personality. I work at a beauty studio called Halcyon Ave in Garden City, Idaho. I started there two months ago in January. Before that I was working at another beauty studio called Bubbly Beauty Collective in Garden City as well. I was there for a year and it was a lot of fun for me because I decorated our private space and it was like my own little home. I shared it with my friend and fellow nail tech Amber. Before that place I worked at a salon called Bombshell Studio Salon in Boise and that is where I started out and built my clientele. I have loved trying out different places of work and gaining knowledge from each one. I’d love to get into my job more and some experiences I have but I will save those for another post.

What I want most out of life is to have a family. I have always loved babies so much and I am very excited for that day to arrive. In the meantime I am planning on getting a dog (my first pet of my own!) in a couple of months if I end up getting my own apartment. I crave taking care of and loving someone so that would be so satisfying for me to have an animal. I am excited to get married someday when the time is right. I also love to travel, I have lived in a couple of different countries and I’d love to live in more someday. I love animals, I want to have my own farm eventually with goats, horses, dogs, cats, and chickens. I’d love a garden as well. I love spending time with my friends and family. I am the middle child out of five and I’m really close with my family. I also love to find and go to all of the good local coffee shops/restuarants, I love movies, music, dance, homemaking, and laughing!

My blog will be random that’s for sure, that is just how I am. I would love to share about things that I believe in and advocate for as well as share my experiences and reflections. Maybe it will become something else too I am open to it all! This blog is mostly for me but if anyone reads it that’s cool too.